In Chapter 20 of Economics of the Undead, the Phillips clan use the “graveyard vote” to investigate where the undead reside in the United States. If there’s any doubt as to the reliability of that method, perhaps they could replicate the study using zombie welfare recipients instead of graveyard voters. There’s also an intriguing question as to whether these zombies on welfare are welfare cheats, as everyone seems to assume, or if they’re just zombies who have fallen on hard times and need a helping hand.

Incidentally, this article appears in the Pennsylvania Independent, whose URL looks like “pain dependent.” I’m just saying.

Can vampires live without human blood? Yes, as we’ve learned from Anne Rice’s Louis, Buffy’s Angel, and Stephenie Meyer’s Cullen clan. But it seems the Electric Company got there first, in 1972, with Morgan Freeman’s turn as “Vincent the Vegetable Vampire.” No, he’s not a vampire hospitalized after a traumatic brain injury; he just likes eating vegetables. By the way, Bunnicula, another vegetable-draining vampire from my childhood, is now available on Kindle.